Buttercup Lane ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life I've had a pretty good life. Known tons of good people, done some interesting things, done some definitely good things. True, my life has been blighted by mental illness, both my own and other peoples', which has pretty much prevented me from getting much joy out of the goodness, which sucks, but what can you do? The question is, is it enough? I don't know. I wish I did. 5:03 p.m. - 2013-08-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reappearance of Self Well, here I am again. After a nasty depressed early-spring period, and now I'm about to move to a new apartment, things have been a little crazy. But I think the move is a good thing (although I've had no luck persuading the feline members of the house--they know what's up and they don't like it), and hopefully the new place will mean I can put off moving until the next time I want to change jobs. I move a lot, but who wants to live in a crappy place if they don't have to? And while I'm quite willing to put up with some things, noise is not one of them, which is the big problem with my otherwise quite good current place. I've lived in plenty of apartments where you heard too much of what went on upstairs, but here I hear everything that goes on upstairs, which is just too much. 12:31 p.m. - 2013-05-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winter First full winter back in Ontario, and I can't say I'm enjoying it. Also first winter with forced-air heating since 2005, and my poor skin is definitely not enjoying that, and is about ready to flake off and die, that's how dry it is. What really cheeses me off about that is that I'm also getting zits, which is deeply unfair. It's kind of difficult to imagine how one can have zits and flaking dry skin practically on top of each other, but somehow, my face can do it. 7:38 p.m. - 2013-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christmas regrets Oh Christmas. How I love you, and yet how I hate how you're never quite as good as I want you to be, although I never remember that afterwards, so that each year I always think it's a worse Christmas than usual, when it's really just normal. At least one of my sisters always has a meltdown, which makes me want to run and hide (I'm not good at emotional, either dealing with or being), and Mom is always harried and I hate that but can't do anything about it, and no one except me (and Mom, when she has the time), really sees Christmas as a joyful family time to celebrate the birth of the most wonderful thing that ever happened to humankind, more like a time of gritted teeth and grin-and-bear-it, which is so sad. I wish I knew how to change that, but I don't. 9:46 p.m. - 2013-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Rough Fall A lot of crap has happened lately, including a car accident, an unwanted and possibly health-impairing change of work schedule (since I'm anything but high-energy, little things like adding an extra working day to my week every other week can be very bad and lead to exhaustion which in turn can lead to my dear old depression resurfacing), and the return from Europe of the noisy people who live upstairs, who aren't actually that noisy, there's just virtually no barrier for what sound there is between our living spaces. All of this means more stress and less sleep, and these naturally make me crabby and less likely to blog, not that anyone but me really cares about whether I blog or not! In general, it's been a lousy Fall. Losing a beloved pet is never a good way to start, and when that's followed by all of the above, plus the death of a beloved family pet --a dear cat who we adopted when I was 15, and was still living happily with my parents until last week (which was 16 years later), when my Mother had to have him put down, since the poor little Dude got suddenly alarmingly sick and the vet said there was nothing but misery and medical bills in his future. It's kind of the end of an era, and we're all pretty sad, although it hasn't really hit me yet, and probably won't until I next visit my parents and find an alarming kitty-shaped hole where the dear little Dude (as we used to call him) once was. 8:33 p.m. - 2012-11-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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